Romans 9:22-23

What if God, wanting to show his wrath and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, and that he might make known the riches of his glory on the vessels of mercy, which he had prepared beforehand for glory. Romans 9:22-23 NKJV

These verses are very troubling to my soul. I am struggling with these right now and it is shaking my faith. Does God give us free will or are we predestined to whatever he chooses? Do we really make our own choice to follow God? Or is this a wicked scheme by god to just create the ultimate "movie" and watch it play out how he designed it? I don't want to believe the latter is true. Because that ruins everything, it ruins my whole life.

So I'm going to analyze it word by word.

Verse 22 in the Greek:

Ei: If

De: But, on the other hand, and

Thelon:will, wish, desire

Ho:the

Theos:God

Endeixasthai:show forth

Ten:the

Orgen:anger, wrath, passion

Kai:and, even, also

Gnorisai:make known, declare, know

To:the

Dynaton:powerful, able, possible

Autou:self

Enenken:carry, bear, bring, lead

En:in, on, among

Polle:much, many, often

Makrothymia:patience, forbearance

Skeue:a vessel to contain liquid, utensil, tackle, goods

Orges:anger, wrath, passion, steadfastly opposing something or someone

Katertismena:fit together, prepare, adjusted exactly down, mend, complete thoroughly, making him what he ought to be

Eis:in, into, among, till, for

Apoleian:destruction, ruin, loss, completely severed, cut off
 

What if, on the other hand, it was the desire of God to show forth his anger, and make known the power of himself, carrying on much patience, the vessels that he steadfastly opposed, making them what they ought to be till completely cut off.

Ok now to make complicated words easier:

vessel: a person who is a receiver of something

steadfast: firm

oppose: to act against, to stand in the way of

severed: to separate, to break off

What if it was God's desire to show his anger and make his power known, so he was very patient toward the people that he firmly was against, making them what they ought to be till completely cut off and destroyed.

~~
 I don't know. Thats what I came up with after analyzing it. Maybe the evil was already in their hearts which is why he was against them. Maybe God is saying here that because their hearts are already evil that they deserve and should be cut off and sent to hell. That he wants these evil people to know his anger and power. Maybe he didnt create them to be evil. Maybe they were just evil and chose to be evil and God just "adjusted" them. It was already in their heart so maybe he wasn't messing with free will? If you have insight please comment and leave your thoughts.
~~